Hello all again. Time to fill in some gaps from last entry. Over the last 2 weeks I've been thinking alot about the person I wanna be and where I wanna go with the little things about myself. I've come to the conclusion that I'm definently not being the person I wanna be cause I've been hiding my true self, mostly because I believe that I've made myself believe that the way I've shown myself to be, should be the person I have to be, and showing my true side will be a little embarasing, which in recent times I've tried to avoid. but maybe I should show the person I wanna be regardless of what people think, especially my friends. I'm sure that my friends will stand by me (well at least I sure hope so :-p). So here goes.

I'm a person that likes all types of music (except Opera), especially songs that have to do with feelings. Yes that means stuff like Back Street Boys and other stuff like that. Thus the basis of hating the Weird Al Yankavic song, Back Door Boys. I like to watch Movies like 10 Things I Hate About You and High School Musical. Soesn't mean I don't like other types of movies. I don't like the things I say, even though I try to be funny- this is about the things I say just to get a rise out of someone and to get everyone else to laugh at that. I prefer to show compassion and a friendly nature (although I don't think I have changed that much). I don't like being better than anyone else, which prolly may explain my Jack-of-all-trades-but-master-of-none attitude. I'm not the biggest of car fans, unlike a friend of mine. I do like playing computer games but at one point like playing sports, but becasue of a few problems, I became unfit, slack and lazy.

Alone I am just trying to be me, but around friends I change into a person that I feel is just a lie, most of the time. Maybe I'm just unsure of what my friends will think, although if they are friends, they won't care what I change into, just as long as I'm true to myself. Somedays I even think I started getting into the wrong line of friends. I sort of think that I have minimal common factors with the friends that I have, e.g. like the same things, wanna do the same things, etc. I feel as if the things I used to believe were the connecting factors with my friends are different from what I'm trying to bring out in me now. The interests that we used to have are now so limited, I've had thoughts of trying to find friends that have the same interest that I have, although them sort of people are more like a dime a dozen. The main thing that me and my friends have in common now is playing computer games, which I'd like to get back to not playing so much. The hard thing is, trying to figure out things that all my friends like to do, or even stuff I wanna do. It is kinda hard considering everyone likes something that someone else doesn't like. I don't like leaving friends out of anything that is planned, but sometimes it just can't be helped, I guess.

The difference between me and my friends is that my up bringing seems to have been a little easier and less stress than theres. Alot of my friends seem to have alot of pent up anger and have had there explosive times. I on the other hand have always been the one that's been picked on, and I've always tried to avoid any sort of conflict so as to not get that bad. I did have a bad relationship that went sour and made a living nightmare to be around. That problem was around me for about 7 years, but eventually I got the better of the problem and have become a stronger person from it. But as I put in my previous entry, that may have had an adverse effect on my attempt at having another relationship with girls and prolly will in times to come too.

Well hopefully this perosn was will become the person he wants to be eventually. It will take time but that is the person that I was, am and want to be. Hopefully everyone will be helpful and supportive towards me for what I wanna do. Thankyou and that is all for this entry.

Well the day is soon to be coming for the next Cinema Movie night. I'm looking forward to it and sort of nervous at the same time. I'm looking forward to it cause it get me and my friends together again (been sort of lacking alittle lately in that department). But I also invited a girl from work that I sorta, kinda, maybe like a bit. Even though it wasn't called a date as such, it still made me a little nervous asking her if she wanted to go in the first place. I'm not exactly the one to have enough confidence in myself to ask a girl out, especially if I like her too. But I actually got it out never the less. She hasn't said yes yet, and I guess that's making me even more nervous. I most times expect a no when ever I thought about asking a girl out, so I pretty much never try. I know most people don't like the word no and I'm no different than anyone else. But I still feel that it hits me a little harder than most, don't ask me why cause I don't even know myself.

Other than that, should be a good night. Maybe i'll get lucky and things will progress on the night, asuming that she goes. I guess I just have to wait and find out. I think I'll have trouble holding back my happiness if she says yes, and I'll prolly get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach if she says no. If she says no, I'll prolly be thinking that she isn't interested or something along the lines of that, but I should really keep my hopes up, maybe. 

Well if my friends read this, they'll be thinking, what's got into me. I've written 2 of these in the last to nights. But they will be mightly suprised at the same time, which prolly ins't a bad thing. Oh well, time to finish here. Will hopefully keep people posted about things that happen along the path of............ my life.